Early Days after a Pandemic Wedding!

I got married amidst the Pandemic, obviously not during the lockdown. But chose the hottest day of the hottest month. There were less than 50 people at the event, it was outdoor so everything minus the weather was something both my husband and I had always hoped for. Well, we never hoped to get our relatives angry but it was a part of the deal so we didn't really bother.

I don't know how men take it or how reality hits them (I should ask my husband someday) but I felt married when my sister came to meet me when I went to sit with my in-laws right after the event. Some strange fear hit me there. I did cry while I was signing the papers but I only cried because I knew my Baba wasn't there (left us 4 years ago), he wouldn't come to meet me at the stage as he did with my other siblings, and he won't get to meet his youngest son-in-law, and because I won't be able to be with my mother 24/7.

The days that followed were pretty normal for me as I didn't "miss" home. But when my mother and siblings came to meet me at my in-laws and when they left, GOD! Don't ask. And so it has always been these strange rather odd moments where I miss my family the most.

Anyhow, let's jump to the lessons here!

1. 50 people are enough for an event as intimate and private as a "wedding". We had 2K people at my brother's wedding (I swear) and we had angry relatives. We had 50 people at my wedding and we had angry relatives. Moral: ONLY invite those who'd actually be happy for you. And they're quite less than 50, to be honest. But just add some of your parents' choices too.

2. The jewelry you see above--I only bought this Feroze ring and that too from my own pay because my husband and I always wanted to spend ourselves on our wedding. Two of the rings are of my eldest sister, one of my great-grandmother (family heirloom), and one of my mother's wedding. The bangles are artificial and of 3K Rupees. Did all this make me feel any less of a woman? NO. So do not burden yourself or your family. Because even if you become the talk-of-the-town or an insta-baddie bride, there will always be a successor and you will be forgotten.

3. The dress I'm wearing was gifted by my in-laws and my husband paid for it. We only had one event so we balanced between having what I want and staying within budget. The embroidery is solid work and the dupatta has wide borders only so I use them till eternity.

4. Our honeymoon was spending time with my in-laws because the first few days are the best time to connect. Why? Because a, you can always travel the world later and b, just try seeing your parents happy and feel how comforting it is.

5. First few days are also quite vulnerable for the newlyweds. Almost any and everything takes a toll on you because it's a whole new environment. But be gentle and go easy on yourself and others, especially your husband because it's new for him too. And because you're in his house, with his family.

6. The first few days also decide how well your husband is at balancing relationships because as much as it is vulnerable for you, it is for his mother too. Considering the happenings we hear how people leave their parents, how the son goes against them etc.

7. Also with a new female coming to the house, the mother must never feel less important. FILs have this tendency to go extra caring, which is very sweet of them, but it must never belittle the owner; the mother. If that happens, then everything is south from that day onwards. Asking your MILs for basic things, standing with them in the kitchen, listening to them, etc builds trust and one learns so much about them, the family, parenting, etc. This is one of the laws of nature that a female has her own kingdom and she doesn't like if there is a threat to it. So don't be a threat! You'll have your own kingdom soon.

8. Sometimes you'll want to go out with your husband alone and he might insist on either being with the family or taking them along. Trust his decision and moments later you'll feel how good it feels. Also, I promise you'll get enough alone-time and long walks and drives with him.

9. There will be misunderstandings. I don't mean those which make you suffer but general ones. The ones where if one shows some patience and says nothing, things get fixed there and then. Let them happen. Know that they are normal. And let's normalize normal. There is no perfect relation, there is no superiority-proving-game going on. Live like a team and trust the process.

10. Most of us have to drop jobs when we get married, and it is good to take a break. And some good 2-3 months of it. But either join again or find a new job. To be able to spend your own money and not be dependent, to contribute to the household, to prove to your partner that you stand firm with him (because unlike us females, men tend to have more financial insecurities than emotional) is such a fulfilling feeling!

11. Do not rush into having a child. Learn living together, finding your boundaries, your moods, and your patterns. Luckily or unluckily (lol), this remote work thing makes you learn this pretty quick. Don't listen to people because remember the 2K-guests' story above--so yeah!

12. Have your own routine and hobbies but once your jobs/work ends, do talk about everything. By everything I mean EVERYTHING! Our generation has mostly seen parents, even if not ours, sharing more with their kids than their partners. That is wrong! Find the comfortability with your partner first, go on walks together every day or sit for tea but find a time to talk. The topic doesn't matter. There is a lot you learn about the person when you listen carefully.

13. There is a lot of difference between talks and actions before and after the wedding. Be friends with each other before being anything else. Don't consider love to be those butterflies. Love is in friendship, butterflies come in phases only.

14. Make and set a routine with your families. Like when you'll call them, how often, how frank you'd be, etc. A routine that you guys will continue to pursue throughout your lives, a manageable and realistic routine. So even they know when to give you your me-time etc.

15. If there is anything you feel like suggesting or stopping your in-laws from doing, DON'T. Talk to your partner about it and if it sits with him, make him convey the message. Your extra-interest, in the early days, might hurt them so there is no harm in keeping it low and going one step at a time.

These are some of the things I learned and observed. If and when there is more, I'll always share. Even if one of the things makes you get through the day and makes your life easy, I'll sleep peacefully. Remember, life is good, life is kind. Go easy on yourself. Don't rush. Everybody takes time to adjust to change.

Let me know how you connect to this and what's your story?